By Ray Gano

Folks, as many of you know I don’t write my articles, God does. In other words, I allow myself to be the vessel with which HE uses.

I say that because today’s article is not the normal type of article that I usually write.

But, I am feeling a really hard tugging in my tummy to write this and put it out there because there are people out there that really need to hear what I am saying here.

They need to know that God loves them, they are ok and that they will pull through the darkness that seems to be surrounding them at this moment.

With that said …

We are now full blown into the holiday season.

It seems that every time this year the toxic people in our lives seem to come squeezing out of the woodwork.

Co-workers who seem to be out for you and say horrible things about you at any given chance (Think company Christmas party)

Parents have turned up the criticism volume and putting you down no matter what you are doing.

Friends or who you thought were friends are hurling “jokes” at the parties in which you are the brunt of the joke.

Maybe your spouse is chiming in with mean little quips and then blame it on you saying “Come on, you are just being to sensitive.” Perhaps they are building bigger and higher walls refusing to talk to you.

What is worse is that the little voices in your head start latching on to a lot of what these people are saying and keep repeating it over and over in your head to the point that you begin to believe it.

Toxic people are the kind who are loaded down with various lusts and issues that they are either not dealing with or are using to in some way manipulate or control their relationship with you. They might appear good, kind, even “angelic,” but you’ll know by their fruits that they really aren’t.

Paul warns us about such people:

2 Timothy 3:1 – 5 – “1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”

I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day and they had this really great word of wisdom…

“Sometimes in people’s minds abusive and one-sided friendships are better than no contact at all at least that’s the lies we tell ourselves.

People allow tethers or soul ties to wrap themselves around their lives. If the tethers are healthy ones, from positive relationships or environments, then the result is a safety net of people and a safe place to fall into when you get weak.

If the tethers are unhealthy, from negative relationships, or places or things that create temptation, they become a web within which you can find yourself entangled. That web, is one Satan works the best in, it is in his area of influence and power. It is a place where he can devour and destroy you.”

Then it happens, one morning you wake up and it dawns on you that you’re not holding your own in life and you have been sucked down into a toxic or many toxic relationships.

You are getting trounced, pounced, hurt and hammered. It doesn’t matter whether the person involved is a parent, sibling, co-worker, friend or spouse. It does not matter whether they’re manipulative, bullying, combative, or a being your average ordinary garden-variety narcissist trying to suck you into his or her little orbit.

What matters is that you don’t know what to do.

You recognize that the connection isn’t healthy or good because it makes you feel lousy, but somehow, you’re stuck.

HELP – I Have Been Sucked In And I Can’t Get Away

So, what do we do?

1 Corinthians 10:13 – “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

God promises that He will never tempt us more than what we can personally able to withstand. That means the mean toxic people in our lives.

Think about it for a moment.

Can you REALLY do anything to change that person? Is the power within you to do that?

No, it isn’t. But the power to change you is within you. That power is called Jesus Christ, our savior and king.

The problem is that so often we do not call out to Him. We forget that lifeline that He has given us.

Instead what happens is that we rip the steering wheel from God and try to handle the massive problems all on our own. Instead of getting it all right, we have messed things up even more.

Proverbs 3:5-6 – The Third-Party Rule

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

As many of you know, Proverbs 3:5-6 is Tracye and I’s life verse. We often refer to it as “the third-party rule.”

Why is that?

There are times when we face problems or people and they REALLY stress us out. So much so that we might do or say some very unchristian like things, AKA sin (remember 1 Corinthians 10:13?).

When Tracye or I face these sorts of things, we look at the gifts and talents that God has given us. Can we handle that problem or person with those individual gifts?

No… so can we handle the situation with the gifts and talents God has given us in a combined manner?

No.

And this is where the “Third Party Rule” comes into play.

When you have done all you or you and your spouse have done everything the both of you reasonably, the only thing left is to put it into God’s Hands and then walk away.

It is called “trusting in the Lord.”

In these days of being “purpose driven” and our “living our right lives now,” trusting in the Lord has become a forgotten truth that I believe many need to relearn.

See, often we toil with daily trials when in reality we have a Father in heaven who will take care of stuff for us.

Now, am I not talking about some sugar daddy in the sky.

I am one who believes in doing the best you can with what the Lord has provided for you, but when you have hit the end of your limited abilities, then the Lord is there to take matters over and make them right again.

The more we are able to “trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding” the more life is easier, and the stress is melted away.

This is why it is critical that when we do “trust God with all our hearts” with a certain person or persons.

Four Recognitions You Can Do

1. Recognize the toxicity in others and realize it isn’t you

Look at the examples again that I gave at the beginning of this article, if you see some of those in others, then realize that you are not dealing with a nice person.

2. Recognize and set boundaries with tough love

Tough love is able to say “enough.” Tough love says, “I care about you, but I care about me too, and I will not allow you to hurt me or those I love.” No other person has the right to step all over you, make you feel inferior, abuse, or bully you.

You have got to set limits so as to protect yourself.

Now, If you find yourself in a dangerous, abusive or addictive relationship, get out, and get help – NOW.

You do not have the power within you to change the other person’s behavior. However… you do have the power within you to to protect your life and the lives of those in your care.

How can you do that? Adjust how much time you spend with certain people and spend time forming new, healthier friendships. Seek out counsel. Find a good support group / safety net of loving brothers and sisters in the Lord. The type of people who will encourage you and provide a safe place for you to share and pray.

3. Recognize that He can do great things

Apply Proverbs 3:5-6 and KNOW that HE can accomplish great things through your prayers. He can move mountains. He can change hearts. Anything is possible through Christ Jesus. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.

4. Recognize that God is in your corner

He loves you, He cares for you, and He has many good things in store for your future. He will give you the desires of your heart when they are in line with His will. AND… being in His will is the best place to be ever. Know, that God is not going to give up on you, He is there. He will never leave you or forsake you, that is His promise.

John 8:36 “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”

Know that the enemy does not want you to be happy. If he is hammering you to the point you no longer know what to do, contact me, let’s talk and see what we can do together to battle the evil that surrounds us.

This article is dedicated to M, K, K, C & M

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